I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
