I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
