Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
