I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
