I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
