Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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