i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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