hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My dad just said "fuck circus"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
