i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
