he puts the penis in happiness.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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