sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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