I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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