We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
