why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
