You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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