Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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