Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
