you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
