How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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