i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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