Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
