if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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