This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
