Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
