He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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