Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
