I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
