if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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