I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
it's like iHOP with fire
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
