There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
