ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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