dude i'm inner monologue high
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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