It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
