Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
