i permit you to call me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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