I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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