Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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