Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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