I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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