I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
