hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
third nipple confirmed
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
