1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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