A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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