WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
