just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Terrible idea I love it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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