Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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