Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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