It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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