omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
