I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
